Post by Mr.Christmas on Oct 16, 2004 11:28:32 GMT -5
Every year Santa Claus grants a single interview with a representative of the popular media. This representative gathers questions from all major media sources and presents them to Santa at one time. Ted Koppel had practically begged to get Santa on Nightline this year but Santa doesn't usually stay up that late and had to decline. Instead, he met with Molly Kingston of the Apple Valley Advocate in Burnham, Arkansas, giving the cub reporter her first worldwide exclusive.
Q: Thank you, Mr. Claus for this opportunity to meet with you.
A: Please, Molly. We have known each other for a long time. Call me Santa.
Q: I'm sorry. I have never had a world exclusive with a major celebrity before, Santa. I want to be as objective and professional as possible. My readers need to be able to see that I have been fair and balanced in my questions.
A: Okay. But I know everyone who does an interview with me. It is hard to sit here and not be completely familiar with you. You used to write me the nicest letters. Your belief in Santa Claus is nothing to be ashamed of.
Q: Oh, Santa. I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to blow this, you know? This is my big break.
A: I totally understand, Molly. How's your mother?
Q: She's fine, thank you for asking.
A: Did she get over that nasty flu bug she had?
Q: How did you know about that?
A: Hey, I'm Santa. I know lots of things.
Q: Yes, that was one of the things I wanted to ask you about.
A: Oh?
Q: Well, like knowing about my mother's illness. How do you know that? They say that you can see kids when they are sleeping and that you know when they are awake. Some people think that is kind of creepy.
A: This is an old question, Molly. One I think we have covered before in a previous interview.
Q: Yes, I know your answer about that. But some of my colleagues want to follow-up on this - you know, get down to the heart of it. Are you some kind of spy?
A: Ah, you've been talking to Dan Rather, haven't you?
Q: See? There you go again. How did you know that question came from Mr. Rather?
A: I didn't really know. It was just a hunch. Dan is a predictable boy. Go ahead, ask me a couple of questions and I can tell you who they came from.
Q: Okay, who asked: Who is the sexiest man alive?
A: Barbara Walters.
Q: Correct. Who asked: Did you know about the damage to my satellite dish last Christmas and, if so, when did you know it?
A: Chris Matthews.
Q: Wow. Ok, who asked: Will Santa vote from his Florida vacation home or from his cabin in Vermont?
A: Tim Russert.
Q: Did someone fax you this list already?
A: Nope.
Q: Who asked: If I open Santa's sack on December 26th, what will I find?
A: Geraldo.
Q: Who asked: If you found out that Mrs. Claus was leading a double-life, what would you do?
A: Jerry Springer.
Q: That's a good guess but he didn't really ask that.
A: No, but he wants to. Jerry probably asked what he can do to get back on the 'nice' list.
Q: Jerry Springer is on the naughty list?
A: You'd have to ask his mother for sure, I'm just guessing here.
Q: How do you know so much about people Santa?
A: It isn't that I know a lot about people. I just have known most people since they were kids. And people do not change a whole lot. Those weren't really the questions the media wants me to answer, I hope. Please tell me they have a better use of our time.
Q: Well, I admit I have done some heavy editing of some of these questions, Santa.
A: Good for you, Molly. You're going to do well in your career.
Q: Thank you. You have always said such nice things to me. I appreciate it.
A: Well, you're welcome.
--Continued in Part II--
Q: Thank you, Mr. Claus for this opportunity to meet with you.
A: Please, Molly. We have known each other for a long time. Call me Santa.
Q: I'm sorry. I have never had a world exclusive with a major celebrity before, Santa. I want to be as objective and professional as possible. My readers need to be able to see that I have been fair and balanced in my questions.
A: Okay. But I know everyone who does an interview with me. It is hard to sit here and not be completely familiar with you. You used to write me the nicest letters. Your belief in Santa Claus is nothing to be ashamed of.
Q: Oh, Santa. I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to blow this, you know? This is my big break.
A: I totally understand, Molly. How's your mother?
Q: She's fine, thank you for asking.
A: Did she get over that nasty flu bug she had?
Q: How did you know about that?
A: Hey, I'm Santa. I know lots of things.
Q: Yes, that was one of the things I wanted to ask you about.
A: Oh?
Q: Well, like knowing about my mother's illness. How do you know that? They say that you can see kids when they are sleeping and that you know when they are awake. Some people think that is kind of creepy.
A: This is an old question, Molly. One I think we have covered before in a previous interview.
Q: Yes, I know your answer about that. But some of my colleagues want to follow-up on this - you know, get down to the heart of it. Are you some kind of spy?
A: Ah, you've been talking to Dan Rather, haven't you?
Q: See? There you go again. How did you know that question came from Mr. Rather?
A: I didn't really know. It was just a hunch. Dan is a predictable boy. Go ahead, ask me a couple of questions and I can tell you who they came from.
Q: Okay, who asked: Who is the sexiest man alive?
A: Barbara Walters.
Q: Correct. Who asked: Did you know about the damage to my satellite dish last Christmas and, if so, when did you know it?
A: Chris Matthews.
Q: Wow. Ok, who asked: Will Santa vote from his Florida vacation home or from his cabin in Vermont?
A: Tim Russert.
Q: Did someone fax you this list already?
A: Nope.
Q: Who asked: If I open Santa's sack on December 26th, what will I find?
A: Geraldo.
Q: Who asked: If you found out that Mrs. Claus was leading a double-life, what would you do?
A: Jerry Springer.
Q: That's a good guess but he didn't really ask that.
A: No, but he wants to. Jerry probably asked what he can do to get back on the 'nice' list.
Q: Jerry Springer is on the naughty list?
A: You'd have to ask his mother for sure, I'm just guessing here.
Q: How do you know so much about people Santa?
A: It isn't that I know a lot about people. I just have known most people since they were kids. And people do not change a whole lot. Those weren't really the questions the media wants me to answer, I hope. Please tell me they have a better use of our time.
Q: Well, I admit I have done some heavy editing of some of these questions, Santa.
A: Good for you, Molly. You're going to do well in your career.
Q: Thank you. You have always said such nice things to me. I appreciate it.
A: Well, you're welcome.
--Continued in Part II--
